Monica Crowley

Loose "Change"

January 31, 2008

Over the past two nights, I've watched the final batch of presidential candidates debate each other.

One thing stands out:

For all of the hue and cry about Americans wanting an "outsider," a "changing of the guard," it looks more and more like the voters are going in the opposite direction.

On the Democratic side, the momentum is with Barack Obama but the machine is with Hillary Clinton. Democrats are dreamers: they are electrified by Obama, in love with him, want to believe in him. But in the end, the New Guard he represents may fall victim to the Old Guard steamroller.

On the Republican side, the momentum is with John McCain but the conservatives are with Mitt Romney. Republicans are pragmatists: they want to win, and they certainly don't want to lose to a Clinton again. The New Guard Romney represents may fall victim to the Establishment tendencies of the Republican party.

Liberals can't stand Hillary for a lot of things, primarily her Iraq vote. Conservatives can't stand McCain for reasons from illegal immigration to the Bush tax cuts to campaign finance. The Old Guard has its problems.

But liberals also are concerned that Obama isn't quite ready for primetime. And conservatives are wary about Romney's ultimate electability. The New Guard has its problems too.

But for all of the talk about Americans wanting an "outsider," the actual outsiders in the race are running second to the ultimate Washington insiders. Are we saying one thing and voting another?

Americans are pulled in two radically different directions, faced with candidates they find to be less than ideal. But Super Tuesday is still days away, and voters in both parties still have alternatives. Conservatives: Romney is still in the race. Vote for him. Liberals: Obama is a risk but a gutsy one. Vote for him.

For a year, we've been told that we want "change." Is that true? If it is, there's still time to put our money---and our votes--where our mouths are.

American Idols

January 30, 2008

And then there were four.

After the Big Kahuna of Florida, former New York Mayor Giuliani is bidding the campaign adieu. Former Senator John Edwards said "adios" today too. Former Senator Fred Thompson bid us farewell a short time ago, as did Senators Chris Dodd and Joe Biden and a host of other lesser lights. There are still a few hangers-on, like former Governor Mike Huckabee and the omnipresent Congressman Ron Paul.

But we are essentially left with a pair of Kings in one hand and a King and a Queen in the other.

This is Survivor, American Idol, The Apprentice, and the Amazing Race all rolled into one. Who will get voted off the continent next?

The two Republicans left standing, Senator John McCain and former Governor Mitt Romney, are going for the jugular. Accusations of flip-flopping and "liberalism" are flying faster than the lamps at Chez Clinton. McCain has the Big Mo and has opened up substantial leads in most of the Super Tuesday states. Romney still has a lot of money and the "fire in the belly" to win. He's also got the conservatives.

The two Democrats left standing, Senators Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama, are going full-tilt scorched earth. Obama said today that Hillree is "divisive." Talk about stating the obvious. Hillree, meanwhile, whined that Obama blew her off during the State of the Union. I suppose just like she blew him off in the Senate last year after it broke that he was going to challenge her hereditary monarchy.

By the way, will someone please tell her to stop with that crazy smile? She looks like Kathleen Turner in "Serial Mom."

After they all finish strangling each other, one on each side will get pulled into their nominations by the Jaws of Life.

There are no Sanjayas in this race. McCain is Kelly Clarkson: tough. Romney is Carrie Underwood: dignified. Hillree is Omorosa: cutthroat. And Obama is Ruben Studdard: velvet.

They're all singing for their supper. And they all hope they won't end up like Richard Hatch.

The War Hero and the Junior Senator

January 29, 2008

Florida, Florida, Florida.

Some things don't change.

Senator John McCain, the scourge of many conservatives, won the first primary open only to Republicans. Stunning many observers, the Republican from Arizona won most of the Republican votes, showing that he's not just the Republican Democrats love, but that he's the Republican Republicans think can win.

His victory speech was full of important buzzwords: "conservative," "unite the party," "come together."

Sounds vaguely like....Barack Obama?

In fact, McCain, while trying to get well with the conservative base, is also talking the Obama talk about post-partisan politics and "uniting the country."

Conservatives might be rolling their eyes, but it's genius. Why? 1. Because it's working; and 2. Because the mood of the country is inclusive, not exclusive. This is why Obama's message has gained such traction. McCain---the much-maligned renegade----is tailor-made to co-opt it. No, he's not "establishment," and yes, he's been off the conservative reservation on a number of important issues---like tax cuts and illegal immigration. But Reagan wasn't "establishment." Neither was George W. Bush. Bob Dole was, and look at what happened to him. McCain has spent a good deal of time "fixing" his past positions on the Bush tax cuts and immigration, and he should make a speech centered on those two issues to further persuade uneasy conservatives.

But he's going to win, not just because he's got the greatest appeal to moderates and Independents and not just because he's a war hero, but because he can do the "unity" theme as credibly as Obama can.

His Florida victory speech was gracious and temperate, proving the point.

On the flip side, the Junior Senator from New York gave a most bizarre "victory" speech, without an actual victory to celebrate. The Democratic party had punished Florida for moving up its primary date by pulling all of its delegates, meaning Hillary's "win" gave her zero delegates. And yet, she stood, microphone in hand, and said, "I could not come here in person to ask you for your votes, but I am here to thank you for your votes today," she said. "This has been a record turnout because Floridians wanted their voices to be heard. I promise you I will do everything I can to make sure not only are Florida's Democratic delegates seated but Florida is in the winning column for the Democrats in 2008."

If you didn't know what she was doing, you would have thought the woman was going full-on Britney crazy. The method to her madness? She was doing her best to look like a "winner," even though she wasn't. The Junior Senator from Illinois wasn't going to let the Junior Senator from New York get away with it: his team snappily said it was a tie because they both got no delegates.

By the way, she was wearing yellow and black again. She's obviously listening to the radio show and channeling my appellation for her: Queen Bee.

So, here we go, toward Super Tuesday. The war hero is now the clear frontrunner on the Republican side. He will face the Junior Senator. But which Junior Senator will it be?

Fly On The Wall

January 28, 2008

Something tells me that the conversations over the last day or so at Chez Clinton went something like this (expletives cleaned up):

Sunday morning, Hillary in Tennessee, calling Bill who was Lord-knows-where. HER: "Bill, wake up you (horse's butt.) Get whoever you've got with you the (heck) outta there and listen up. We've got a huge (freakin') crisis here." HIM: "(Gosh dang it), Hillree. Do you know how (freakin') early it is?" HER: "Listen, (horse's butt). Ted Kennedy is about to endorse Obama. I cannot believe what an ungrateful (horse's butt) he is. After all of the (gosh-dang) (stuff) we've done for him! That washed-up (freakin') (horse's butt) is pulling himself out of the (freakin') bar long enough to endorse somebody ELSE?!" HIM (whispering to someone else): "I'll be right with you, baby....Don't go." HER: "BILL! Who the (freak) are you talking to?? We've got an emergency here, and all you can think about is Mr. Happy? You are unbelievable." HIM: "I'm sorry, honey. What were you saying?" HER: "Oh shut up. Just get on the horn with Kennedy and hold a (freakin') gun to his head. Show me that you're good for something besides (sleeping with) half of America."

Sunday afternoon, Bill Lord-knows-where, calling the Senior Senator from Massachusetts, the Honorable Edward M. Kennedy. BILL: "Teddy! Great to hear your voice." TED: "Mr. President." BILL: "Rootin' for the Patriots, eh? That Brady is somethin' else." TED: "Yes, he is." BILL: "Goin' to the Big Game?" TED: "No, Mr. President." BILL: "I hear ya. I'd rather watch on the big screen at home with a coupla beers myself." SILENCE. BILL: "So listen. I heard this crazy rumor that you were thinkin' about endorsing Obama. Surely you're too smart a man to fall for his BS. I know I can go back to Hillree and tell her you're on board, right?" TED: "Actually, Mr. President, I am going to announce my support for Senator Obama tomorrow." BILL: "Oh, Ted. You crack me up. Have you thought about pitching a show to Comedy Central? Seriously, how can you go for a guy who doesn't have the first clue about anything? Hillree has been around the block. She knows how Washington and the world work. There's no learning curve with her. Besides, did you know that Obama is black?" TED: "With all due respect, Mr. President, I have been deeply offended by the way you and Senator Clinton have injected race into this campaign. You have smeared a good man, a decent man, a man who reminds me a lot of my brothers---" BILL: "Oh, please. You're not falling for that old claptrap, are you?" TED: "Mr. President, I have found your treatment of Senator Obama---dismissing him as a "fairy tale," as "Jesse Jackson"---despicable." BILL: "That's rich, coming from you. You should be in prison for murder rather than kingmaking in the 2008 election." TED: "Mr. President. I'm supporting Senator Obama. End of story. And if I could offer you some advice, tone it down. Stop with the racial (stuff). And go be a semi-dignified ex-president." BILL: "I'm very disappointed in you, Ted. You'd better hope Hillree doesn't get elected. You won't know what hit you." TED: "Is that a threat?" BILL: "No, it's a promise." TED: "Is there anything else, Mr. President?" BILL: "Could you at least endorse Edwards instead?"

Monday afternoon, Hillary on the campaign trail, calling Bill, who is Lord-knows-where. HER: "Did you SEE that?! Did you just see those turncoat, son-of-a-(female dog) Kennedys endorse Obama? It looked like a (freakin') ticker tape parade." HIM: "Ted cleans up well." HER: "All of their "he's the new Camelot" (stuff) makes me want to puke. And you, you (horse's butt)! You couldn't stop it. What good are you to me? I should dump your (butt) right now." HIM: "Go ahead. Do me the favor, honey. Let's see how well you do out there without me. My guess is you'd last five minutes." HER: "Oh really? All of your (freakin') "brilliant" strategies have screwed this up beyond belief!" HIM: "I only have so much to work with, sweetheart." HER: "Now you've got Al Sharpton telling you to "shut up"---and on "The View" of all places! FIX THIS!" HIM: "I'm on it, baby. I'm on it."

Hope, Squared

January 27, 2008

Watching last night's speeches from the leading Democratic candidates for president, something struck me: we are witnessing not just a generational gap or a race gap or an "experience" gap. We are witnessing an honor gap.

Barack Obama stood in front of his supporters in South Carolina, and graciously thanked them for giving him a first-place finish. He spoke in lofty tones about bringing the country together, across all spectrums of race, gender, economic status, and religion. He spoke about overcoming the politics of old, and moving America toward the better angels of our nature. He refuses to take "no" for an answer, infusing his message with the kind of positive energy on which America was built. His campaign slogan is more than a slogan; it's the American anthem: "Yes, We Can!"

Hillary Clinton, meanwhile, stood in Tennessee and eked out a barely audible "congratulations to Senator Obama" before heaping praise on the school marching band that was playing her campaign gig. There was no authentic graciousness and no dignified remarks.

There was no class. There was no honor.

Obama's rhetoric is as wispy and transparent and unsubstantial as cotton candy. And for now, at least, it doesn't matter, because he's tapped into something else entirely. He's hooked into that panging desire for hope that Americans so worship; that idea of wishful thinking to which we are all so addicted. It's a quintessentially American vibe, and Obama's found it.

What is really driving the Clintons crazy is the fact that Obama is doing Bill's act from 1992. During that campaign, Bill tapped into that "hope" vibe and exploited it like no candidate since Reagan in 1980. This year, Obama is doing the act----but for him, it's more than an act. He embodies it. He breathes it. He believes it.

Hillary couldn't pull off the "hope" thing even if she believed it (which she doesn't). So, she's out there trying to attack Obama for being a "hopemonger." Pathetic, coming from a woman (and her husband) who won their first co-presidency on a campaign of Hope, Squared.

Her lack of graciousness is, of course, who she is. But it's also borne of a frustration that Obama "stole" the Clinton "hope" routine and he's doing it better than they are.

They are flailing, losing the Kennedy endorsements, getting raked over the coals by the elite press, and watching their biggest constituency---blacks---slip away.

Can't you just hear her screaming at Bill over the unfairness of it all?

Obama is an honorable man. The Clintons are not honorable people. Obama is the 21st century's man from Hope. And of all people, Bill and Hill ought to know that in America, there is no such thing as too much hope.

The McLaughlin Group

Please join us this weekend (and every weekend) on The McLaughlin Group. Check your local listings for time and channel, or visit www.mclaughlin.com for more information.

Sleep With The Fishes

"I know it was you, Barack....You broke my heart.  You broke my heart."

So goes the latest chapter in the Democratic race for president, which may as well be directed by Francis Ford Coppola.

Our wild-hair former president has now accused Senator Obama of EXACTLY the tactics he and the Clinton Ladies Intervention Team use against their rivals:

"I never heard a word of public complaint when Mr. Obama said Hillary was not truthful, no character, was poll-driven," he fumed.  "When he put out a hit job on me at the same time he called her the senator from Punjab, I never said a word," he said, referring to an Obama campaign memo last year that attacked the Clintons'  links to the Indian-American community.  "Shame on you!" he exploded.

The man is exhausting.

First, there was no word of "public complaint" when Obama said Hillary wasn't truthful, had no character, and was poll-driven BECAUSE HE WAS CORRECT.

Second, Obama apologized for that memo that jokingly referred to Hillary as (D-Punjab), which was a very mild jab, indeed.  And by the way, she's never had to answer for her very close ties to Vin Gupta, the head of InfoUSA, who is under multiple investigations for selling the names of Alzheimer's and dementia patients to unscrupulous people so they could rob them blind.  Bill has made over $3 million from Gupta.  For doing what?  Nobody knows, because they won't disclose it.  They're too busy flying to the Caribbean on Gupta's jet to board his yacht with the all-female crew.

And third, attacking Obama for putting a "hit" on him?  The Clinton Team is ingenious at accusing others of what they themselves are guilty of.  The are professional political assassins.  All they do is put political hits on people.  Just ask former Virginia Governor Mark Warner.  Or New York Congresswoman Nita Lowey.  Or New York Governor Eliot Spitzer.  The list goes on.

Anybody who gets in their way gets destroyed.  Not just attacked.  Destroyed.  Obama didn't see the kiss of death coming from Bill "Michael Corleone" Clinton until Clinton had his hands on his face, voice whispering in his ear, "I'm so disappointed in you."

On the program, we kid about Obama---and anybody else who crosses the Clintons---getting fitted for cement shoes.  But the truth is that the Clintons' organized crime syndicate is often more efficient than the Corleones' was---and the Clinton machine is even more unsentimental about executing its enemies.

Unbecoming

The American presidency is a highly unique thing.  Parents used to (I don't know if they still do) tell their children that if they worked and studied hard, they could grow up to be president.  The truth is, however, that only 43 Americans have grown up to be president.  A very small group, indeed.

With that exclusivity and honor comes responsibility. Former presidents operate in the world in a way that even the sitting president cannot.  Even if they leave under a cloud of corruption and dishonor, they can redeem themselves by behaving in a way becoming of their office and their country.  Think Truman and Nixon.  Carter has tried, but he's gone off the rails on occasion.

Bill Clinton apparently didn't get the memo. He is campaigning on behalf of his wife (who clearly cannot hack it on her own) by sliming her chief opponent, who happens to be a man of great ability and class.  The Clintons, of course, wouldn't know class if it hit them on the head, so they've got to try to destroy the opponent with their gutter tactics.

Of course, presidential politics isn't tiddlywinks.  It's a rough game where pretty much anything goes.  But the Clintons always manage to sink down lower and more disgracefully than anybody else. 

So much so that even Party Patriarch Ted Kennedy took a moment from knocking back a few to upbraid Bill for attacking Senator Obama too inappropriately.  House Democratic leader Rahm Emanuel did the same.  And former Senate Majority Leader (and former Clinton ally) Tom Daschle said that Bill's antics were "not keeping with the image of a former president.”

In other words, "Yo, Bill:  shut up and sit down."

But the boy can't help it.  He is a narcissist, unable to truly focus on anyone or anything but himself.  He lavishes attention on the press, because they feed his need to be the center of the universe.  That pathological desire has him blowing across the landscape of this country yet again, as he campaigns not for her but for himself.

Former presidents are supposed to be above all of this: the mud, the dirt, the down n' dirty of campaign politics.  They're supposed to be over it, done with it, working on their legacy.

But Bill's legacy IS campaigning.  He was a much better campaigner than president.  So, he's playing to his strength.  This is who he is.  And I suppose we can't expect anything else in a post-presidency from a man who so sullied the presidency while he had it.   

The Male Teresa Heinz

During the 2004 campaign, Senator John Kerry's wife, Teresa, was so zany, unpredictable, and frankly, wacko that his campaign hid her away in the attic.  In order to prevent any campaign-destroying displays of nutiness, they limited her to highly controlled events, and then for only minutes at a time.  No interviews, no spontaneous visits with the press on the trail, no unscripted moments anywhere.

Thank goodness the Clinton Ladies Intervention Team has not done the same thing with that National Treasure, Bill Clinton.

He's bringing the full crazy----and on an epic, Tom Cruise-in-that-new-Scientology-video scale.

Newsweek this week reports that Senator Ted Kennedy and Democratic Caucus Chair Rahm Emanuel have called Clinton to tell him to cease and desist.  His clownish attempts to attack Senator Barack Obama are driving a wedge between white voters and black, distracting to Hillary's campaign, and making him look like a doofus.  I'm sure Kennedy and Emanuel told him this in these exact words.

During Martin King Luther Jr. Day services, Bill fell asleep multiple times during the sermon (see the video at www.nypost.com).  Even funnier, each time he awoke, he tried to look like he'd been paying attention the entire time, nodding in agreement with what was being said.  Glad to know that the former president doesn't need Ambien like the rest of America.

And earlier this week, a prominent black Congressman, House Majority Whip Jim Clyburn, told Bill "to chill a little bit."

Can you imagine a member of Congress telling former President Reagan to "chill?"  Or former President Nixon?  Or former President Truman? "Hey, Ike!  You need to chill!"

No, this former president is off in the weeds on his own.

At one point during last night's debate, Obama went after Bill for distorting his record.  Hillary replied, "I’m here, not my husband.”

You'd never know it.  Obama snapped, “I can’t tell who I’m running against sometimes.”

Oh, Obama: give the girl a break.  She can't hack it on her own.

When she was asked if her Intimate Loved One had crossed the line as a former president, the Junior Senator smiled and delivered her focus-grouped line:

“This campaign is not about our spouses, it’s about us," she lied.  "Michelle and Elizabeth are strong and staunch advocates for their husbands."

True, but there's one small difference: neither Michelle Obama nor Elizabeth Edwards have been president before.  And neither one of them is looking for an illegal third term.

Two For The Price of One

Last weekend on the radio show, I told you that Senator Barack Obama had finally figured out that he wasn't just running against his fellow Junior Senator, but against a former president as well.

In comments to a newspaper last week, Obama seemed to casually mention that Ronald Reagan had changed the country "in ways that Richard Nixon did not" and "in ways Bill Clinton did not."  Obama did three crucial things here: 1. he acknowledged that 2008 is a change election year on the scale of 1980; 2. he acknowledged that Reagan was a vitally important change agent (hello, conservatives!); and 3.  he hit back at Bill Clinton, who for weeks has been dismissing Obama's candidacy and his positions as "the biggest fairy tale" he'd ever seen.

It finally dawned on Obama that Bill isn't just a surrogate for his wife, but is himself running for a third term.  (Of course, loyal listeners to the Monica Crowley radio show knew that a year ago.)

This morning on ABC's Good Morning America, Obama said, "Bill has taken his advocacy on behalf of his wife to a level that I think is pretty troubling.  He continues to make statements that  are not supported by the facts....This has become a habit, and one  of the things that we're going to have to do is to directly  confront Bill Clinton when he's making statements that are not  factually accurate." What?!  Bill Clinton, an habitual liar?!  Now Obama has gone  too far!!      I also love that Obama has taken a page out of Bill Clinton's 1992 playbook: that year, the upstart Arkansas governor referred to  the incumbent president against whom he was running as "Mr. Bush." Obama referring to the former president as "Bill" is a delectable  example of "what goes around, comes around."

All three Democratic candidates for president---her, him, and  Obama---are spending the Martin Luther King, Jr. national holiday  dueling for black votes.  The mythical first black president thinks  he can charm those voters on behalf of his white wife.  But the  actual black man in the race has a thing or two he wants to say  about that, and for the first time, "Bill" may be out of his depth.