If you fly, you're about to star in a porn flick.
Or go to jail.
Thanks to the new screening regulations of the Transportation Security Administration (TSA), if you want to board an aircraft, you must choose one of the following at the security checkpoint:
A) The Naked Scanner: this ingenious device uses laser vision to penetrate your clothes so that a TSA bureaucrat---with whom you are now in a serious relationship---can see your love handles, man boobs, and everything else the Good Lord gave you.
B) The Newly Aggressive TSA Pat-Down: this involves government-sanctioned sexual assault by a TSA bureaucrat---with whom you are now in a serious relationship---as you are made to feel like you're in a remake of "Deep Throat."
C) 'Cuffs and a Fine: if you refuse either option A or B, you may get arrested, be forced to pay up to $12,000 in fines, and get a lovely invitation to appear before a judge.
All super-awesome choices! So psyched to fly!
Hey, here's an idea: why not just profile the ACTUAL people trying to kill us?
And if President Obama and the Attorney General, Eric Holder, need a hint as to whom the REAL bad guys are, here's a clue: they're Muslim men, between the ages of 18 and 35. Sometimes they're Muslim women between the ages of 18 and 35. Not a big mystery here. The global jihad isn't being carried out by a band of homicidal Catholics or Buddhists or Confucians. The worldwide global jihadist movement doesn't involve Swedish grandmas. Or nuns. Or grandpas in wheelchairs. Or babies.
Of course, thanks to the intimidation tactics of Muslim Brotherhood front groups like the Council on American-Islamic Relations (CAIR), the people most likely to carry out terrorist attacks---Muslims---are largely exempt from the naked scanning and obscene groping. Religious sensitivies, and all that. Under this president, we can't even call the enemy what it is, never mind screen them at the airport.
Can we please get some common sense in America? Can I get an "Amen" to that?
I'm sick and tired of having my life endangered and my private parts squeezed because the people in charge are a bunch of wussy, politically correct morons.
Osama bin Laden and the Muslim Brotherhood can lay down their plans to destroy us. We're accomplishing that just fine by ourselves.