Barbarella Speaks

In the annals of infamous American traitors, there's Benedict Arnold, the Rosenbergs, Alger Hiss, and Aldrich Ames. There's also Jane Fonda, who, although not a professional spy for our enemies, did her best freelance work for them during the Vietnam War.

Last night, when asked by paparazzi for whom she will be voting, she stopped, smiled, and said, "Obama."

This, in all likelihood, produced three very different reactions:

From Hillary: Fury. "What happened to the Sisterhood?! What happened to a Feminist Icon supporting her fellow Feminist Icon? What happened to the ties that bind the Sixties counterculture? How dare "Hope" replace all of that!"

From Obama: Paralysis. "What in Sam Hill do I do with this?! Didn't she climb on a tank or something during the war? I vaguely recall that she was sort of on the North Vietnamese's side. She was right about the war, but I can't say that out loud, not if I've got to run against War Hero over there."

From McCain: Smile. "The Dems are making my job too easy. The guy who didn't put his hand over his heart during the National Anthem, who won't wear a flag pin because it's not "cool," who wants America to withdraw ASAP from Iraq and thus lose, now has the endorsement of Jane Fonda. While I take nothing for granted, my friends, please tee him up."

Look out, Obama. I hear Robert Hanssen's endorsement is forthcoming.

HRC and Ashleigh Banfield: Separated at Birth

A Whole Lotta Crazy

Scene One: Bill Clinton wagging his finger in fury at undecided California Superdelegates, berating them for not supporting Hillary. Thar he blows: veins popping, face scarlet, in full-on Mr. Hyde violent eruption.

Scene Two: Teresa (pronounced with a "z" for all of you barbarians) Heinz Kerry campaigning with Michelle Obama, in full blowsy earth-mother mode, referring not just to her current husband but the deceased one too (whom she still believes is her life partner.)

Scene Three: Barack Obama finally showing the fatigue of the Bermuda Triangle that is the Democratic race, snapping at a guy asking for a photo with him that he was "wearing (him) out, man" and that he'd take the picture but he wasn't going to smile.

Scene Four: Ted Turner predicting that global warming will turn us all into cannibals. (I know Turner isn't running for president. I just threw that in because it's so lunatic.)

For all of the talk about John McCain being an unpredictable hothead, he's the only sane one in the bunch.

The Monica Crowley Show

News about that superb piece of radio broadcasting, "The Monica Crowley Show:" we are transitioning to a new syndicator. More news to come, but please know that the show will continue seamlessly. You will be able to hear it on the same stations, at the same time. Nothing will change for you. If you miss the program, don't forget that you can hear it again right here, once it's posted on the site.

Thank you for always tuning in. I am so grateful for what absolutely is the smartest and most fun audience in radio.

Unfortunately, This is Not an April Fool

Director Oliver Stone---he of his own dark demons---is set to put into production a "biopic" of President Bush called "W."

Following in the long line of such honest, groundbreaking historical Stone films as "JFK" and "Nixon," "W" will trace the current president's psychological motives. And of course, there is no one more equipped to delve into the president's psyche than Stone, who has done it so responsibly so many times before.

Stone had the script for "Nixon" ready to go in the early 1990s. He didn't begin production until after Nixon passed away in 1994, because he knew the project was so dishonest that Nixon would have sued him.

"JFK" was filled with such conspiratorial fantasy and outrageous fiction that even the Kennedy family distanced themselves from it.

Stone has every right to make whatever movies he wants. What he doesn't seem to understand, however, is that a certain responsibility comes with portraying real human beings---who also happened to be president---on the big screen. He makes up conversations, situations, motivations, and characters out of whole cloth (no problem if you're Hillary!) Most filmgoers don't have the expertise to know that what they are seeing is pure fiction, blended with enough historical detail to make it seem true.

Stone has always engaged in irresponsible psychobabble when it comes to depicting our presidents. He is neither a shrink nor an historian, but somehow he feels qualified as an "artist" to portray these men upside down.

Still waiting for the big screen adaptation of Wm. Jefferson Clinton.

Bellwether

Forget Bill Richardson. Forget Teddy Kennedy and John Kerry. Forget Bob Casey and Amy Klobuchar. Forget all of the Superdelegates lining up behind Barack Obama.

There's a more interesting symbol of what's happening among Democrats: 50 Cent.

Fiddy gave an interview recently in which he said he started out supporting Hillary and then switched to Obama after his speech about his relationship with Rev. Jeremiah Wright. Now, however, Fiddy has drifted into the "Undecided" column.

Too bad he's not a Super. Hillary would be all over him like a cheap suit.

But while we roll our eyes at why anyone would care about what 50 Cent thinks, his indecision points to a bigger trend. There are still 257 Uncommitted Supers, and when one of them makes the big announcement about whom they are backing, it gets major media play. But most of them remain on the fence, Fiddy-like.

They are held suspended in mid-air. Of course they want to see whether there will be a clear winner after June 3. They can then offer their support to the victor without actually having to take a courageous stand. In the meantime, they are also trying to squeeze as much as they can from the two candidates. Horse-trading, bribery, whatever you want to call it, lives.

But there is also genuine Hamlet-like behavior happening. On the one hand, Obama leads in pledged delegates and popular vote. On the other, Hillary has won the big states. On the other, Obama has shown great reach, especially with young voters. On the other, Hillary might end up winning the popular vote. On the other...

Fiddy's indecision isn't as atypical as it first might seem. Remarkably, the Democrats have hip-hop as bellwether. As 50 Cent goes, so goes the Superdelegates.